In The Process…

I am definitely in the process of yet, another novel.  And I am still without a title.  No joke.  Most of the time, a title comes to me, followed by random spurts of creativity that normally are exhausted within a week, or 150 pages into the rough draft.  I find that music is essential to the writing process….

Wow, I definitely sounded like someone conducting a study or something… But, seriously.  I will listen to anything when I am really in the writing zone… which depends on how I am feeling at the moment, which usually depends on how badly people have ticked me off.  But, it’s really funny, because the only class I ever write in is mathematics.  No joke.  My teacher is oblivious, and the people around me don’t pay attention to me, and that’s great.

Most of my ideas come from math, all that problem solving and the hypothetical statements.  What is in contrast to that is the fact that I can never write in english.  It doesn’t help that the person sitting next to me just watches me write, blatantly when I really cannot stand people watching me write. 

Surprisingly, my inspiration and motivation comes from the people who don’t like me, or those that I don’t like.  However, I do not turn them into people that get slaughtered ten pages into the novel, but I use them to create my main character and the supporting characters that you actually get to know.  I use them to create the sides of the characters that I don’t like.  Every person has a dark side, and I might as well use attributes that I am well acquainted with.

Does that make sense? Like, I take a persons cruelty and I turn it into something that is recognizably similar in a different situation, in a different world really.  It helps people to  identify with the characters.  I mean, you aren’t going to be able to identify with a character who picks flowers for her dying dog and swings with her guy friend in her free time.  I mean, who does that, and who would want to?

Weekend Plans

Okay, a lot of people around me go to this skate park and it is really annoying when they get in my face because my dad won’t let me go.  So, normally, I hang out with Rampage on the weekends because we’re bffls.  But, most of the time, I stay at home, eat all day and read and try to write.  But, no, this weekend I have something to do…

SWITCHFOOT RELIENT K CONCERT, BABY!!!!!!!

You betcha.  I am so excited.  Photographer laughed at me and my other photographer friend on yearbook are going, but I am so excited.  I have been listening to Switchfoot since their third cd came out when I was in the fourth grade.  I missed their two previous cds, but got them a few years ago on my birthday, and they have three yearly releases since then, and I absolutely love them. I will probably post a picture of the tee shirt that I am to get when I go.  *grin*  It’s almost as exciting as the fact that Holidays are Hell came out today when I’ve been waiting for it since August!!!!  Also, I need to go buy Emmy Rossum’s cd…..

The Demolished Block

For those of you who keep up with my writing, I wanted to tell you that that block I was having problems with!  I demolished it!!!!  No joke, kids!  I was reading something on this sight that was giving writing exercises and it said…”Try telling the story from a different point of view.”  I was thinking about how much Lucius’ story would add to my characters, showing every aspect in conjunction with Haven’s story.  I then thought about what happened:  the death of Haven’s parents, the death of her child, Lucius leaving.  And then I thought how much better all of that would go over in a novel rather than trying to develop Haven and Lucius’ relationship based on a slightly vague account of recent events.  So, if I write the beginning of their story, in one novel, and then continue with the story that takes place three years later when Lucius comes back, then I would truly be able to see their relationship in its true glory!

My imagination never ceases to amaze me.  Laugh out loud!  Just kidding.  I must go write…actually, I should probably be working on my puzzle block for engineering…which is due tomorrow and I’m still not halfway done with it.  Crap.

Gov. School

Ladies and gentlemen, I have finally caught a hold of that flighty mistress indecision and I have decided that I am not to go to the governor’s school.  I’m just not cut out to live at school at the age of younger than 18.  I just can’t do it, and I am going to tell you why.

Artists.

Need I say anything else?  I think I shall….Let’s start with the drama kids shall we?  They are all irritating and they know that I don’t like them, because they just annoy me.  The dancers, I don’t mind because I don’t know any.  The music people?  Don’t get me started on the band people at school.  And then you have the visual artists who aren’t bad…obviously, considering my best friend in the whole wide world’s one!!!! *grin*  Anyway.  Last group?  The writers.  Need I say anything else?  Yes, because I am going to add a whole paragraph about it.

I tell you what, writer’s are the moodiest people around, like, no lie.  No offense strugglingwriter, you are not included in this.  Teen writers are the ones that I am referring to.  Especially the poets.  The “My life sucks, could you kill me, because no one wants me and everyone wants me dead” poets.  Well, if you keep putting out poetry like that, everyone will want you dead, me included.  The teen writer’s are usually insecure, but I tell you what, if they find another writer, they jump on them, like buzzards on a carcass.  I had a girl tell me the other day that she was a writer.  I straight up stared at her like she had leprosy.  I really could care less if someone else is a writer.  I don’t do those little critique groups.  I write, I edit, I send in for publishing…admittedly, I have never done that last step, because my projects get abandoned pretty fast….

Anyway.  Listening to Vanessa Carlton.  Yeah!

Guest Speaker

We had a guest speaker at our school today.  Apparently, he was really important: he has talked to a lot of famous people, the Congress, he’s very rich, he’s the top speaker in America.  All of the things coming out of his mouth were so true, it’s not even funny.  Winged Ham Ham, I think, was having difficulty with all of it.  There were a lot of people that kept being stupid, and it was making the speaker mad.  He was mostly talking about the effect of drugs and the impact of other things, and he talked about how 1/4 women will be sexually assaulted or raped, and then when we all go off to college, those chances become 1/2.  Yeah, you gotta love this country.  But, listening to him talk, it made me realize that unless we kick our butts into gear, this country will pull a Michael Jackson:  we will be unrecognizable in a decade or so, maybe less.  Hopefully not; hopefully we have time left to reform.

What bugs me most, I think, is the fact that their are people who don’t care.  They just go on with life and laugh at the government, when it is their government, and that they need to help.  The thing with non-voters is the fact that they claim they don’t care about the government, but at the same time, they complain about the government.  I don’t sympathize with them.  They chose not to vote, they chose not to have a say in their government.

There was this girl at the assembly, and she was crying because everything that that man was saying applied to her: she had a family death related to gang violence, and when he kept talking about the horrible things that happened, she couldn’t take it and she started crying.  Humans are the only creatures on earth that can weep.  Not in physical pain–any animal can do that.  No, I am talking about weeping when our heart breaks, or when our loved ones die.  We are also the only creatures that are conciously aware of death, but that’s a different topic.

The stories that he was telling us made me want to close my eyes and cry, because I know how these things happen, I don’t always know why, and that doesn’t really change anything.  Drugs are like currency nowadays.  These stories that he was telling us made me want to make someone hurt.  No one should have to watch their best friend have their brains blown out in front of them, no one should be cut by a skull fragment that was their best friend.  No one should have to bury their best friend for any other reason than old age, or disease.  But, even disease is a sad thing, because you would think with the technology nowadays, it’s a shame we can’t do anything for a lot of diseases.

He told this story about this girl who was raped at a party, and then the kids droppd her somewhere because they thought she was dying, and the host didn’t want her there when his mom got home.  They dropped her in a park, and left her there.  I don’t know if I would be able to sleep at night if I did something like that.  I already have difficulty swallowing the majority of the atrocities that others commit, but dropping a raped girl in a park in mid-January woudl break my mind.  I would never be able to do something like that, even if it was a question of jail for helping her.  I would make sure she was okay, and then, if I had to get into some trouble for being there and doing nothing, I would take it.  But, I would never let that happen to any of my friends.  I would make anyone who did hurt so bad that they would wish for an end.  I will not tolerate someone treating someone I love like that.

Life, In General

Today, was, overall, a good day.  I didn’t have any problem getting through first, second, or third.  I love fourth period, because it is Yearbook, and that’s amazing, because the teach in that class loves me, because I am really good at it.  But, anyway, I usually end up having a downhill kind of day after that, because of certain people that I don’t want to talk about, and, no, Rampage, I am not referring to you.  But, as usual, fifth period lifted my spirits through the friggin’ roof, and that’s pretty good because my high school is like three stories tall.  But, anyway.  Emmy Rossum has a new Cd, you know her from Phantom of the Opera.  She is really pretty, and her voice is amazing, and I am actually listening to the cd now, because I want to know if it is any good before I buy it, and so far, I adore it, its very inspiring.  Vanessa Carlton’s new Cd also came out, and that’s pretty amazing, because I love her.  I usually only listen to the bands of like, death metal, and hard core, but lately, I’ve been back into my female singers.  I have all of Vanessa’s cd’s except her new one, and Emmy is quite similar to Vanessa.  I am reading Stray by Rachel Vincent, and that lady is pretty amazing, I can’t wait until her new book comes out!…Which won’t be for a while, because that book just came out a few months ago.   

Voice Thread

Okay, so my film criticism teacher definitely showed us a voice thread, and it is the coolest thing in the world!!!  You just create like a slideshow thing with these pictures.  Then, you can use your voice to comment on them, so that the people are looking at the picture and hearing your thoughts on it.  It is so friggin’ Amazing!!!!!  I want to post my voicethread on here, but at the same time, I think I am going to wait…URGH!!!!! Cursed indecision.  I did my voice thread on the characterization in Blood and Chocolate which is like the best movie in the world!! I’ll catch y’all, later,

 cxs

Well, I guess I will just post it here because somebody *cough*shields*coughcough* posted it on their blog, and I just might as well put it here.  Here is my voice thread:

http://voicethread.com/share/15784/

Take a look!

The Block

Well, I am ashamed to say that I have writer’s block.

Not just with my fictional writing, but with my personal writing, too.  I have sat at my computer countless times, be it at a Word document or a Write Post page, but I have had nothing to write.  Even  my posts have been weak and pretty uninteresting because I don’t know what to put in and what to keep out–all that internet safety, you know.  But, seriously, I am collaborating with someone on a novel and she is like, “Well, how’s it coming?”  And I’m like…”It’s not.”  It’s horrible!  Ink and paper don’t even work, I have tried, and I really need to know what people do about this because it is completely recurring!  I don’t know what to do!  Even chocolate, my last hope, failed me.  I have officially hit a wall going three hundred friggin’ miles an hour.  I was writing at least four or five pages a day, and that’s really good, because I go to full time school and if I am not paying attention in class, I’ll fail, so I get nothing done during the day and by the time I’m done with my homework and done with phone conversations with Rampage while I’m doing my homework, I have a dinner, and then I have a little over an hour.

Yeah.  I have no idea what to do about that.  I have to go to school, I have no choice.  If I don’t go to school, I’m a truant, and then my parents would kill me, and then I wouldn’t get to go to the governor’s school.  I talk to Rampage while doing my homework so I don’t feel as frustrated while I’m trying to do it.  And this is all if I don’t have a book that I’m reading. Sometimes I am so into a book that I won’t even spare my writing a second thought, and then I feel guilty later.

Another thing: somebody please tell me that your thoughts are so disorganized you have no idea what to put down onto paper sometimes.  I’ll have like thirty ideas running around in my head like little elves in a toy factory.  I am, however, usually only focused on one character at a time, or rather one set of characters.  I have that group of characters, but I cannot decide what to do with them. I mean, I could put them through every scenario, but at the same time, if I do that, I’ll have more scenarios.  It’s like that combination thing.  If Annie has seven shirts, three pairs of jeans, four shoes, and three ribbons, how many different combinations are there?  Now, add seven pairs of jeans, two shoes and nine ribbons, and try to think of the combinations.

Yeah.

Halloween

Okay, on a happier note…

There was a Halloween celebration for the Robotics team and it was a lot of fun.  A bunch of my close friends are on Robotics, so we danced and sang along while people watched us like we were retarded, but retroxfab and I are just too comfortable.  We didn’t care.  But, let me tell you, that it wasn’t completely free of very attractive guys, and that is all I will say on that subject.  But, I was a vamp, as was expected.  I tell you what though: my make up was painful.  I had eyeliner that swept up onto my temples, and it took me forever to get it even.  That meant wiping it off more than once.  The side of my face hurt to touch.  But, I would have to say that that was the highlight of the week, besides the fact that my AP World History teacher wasn’t there for two days, and we got to watch Pocahontas (woot.  John Smith!) and I got to sit with my friends…Because the mean teacher secluded me on the other side of the room with the preps that are hard to listen to.  The kid who sits next to me isn’t that bad though. ☺But, yeah….I need to be working on my novel right now, but I am so undecided.  This guy at the party…I need a name for him, but his costume isn’t really something I can call him…totally inspired me by dressing like a person participating in the Carnevale de Venezia, with the mask and everything.  It’s kind of like a masquerade for three months.  (No joke.  I researched it.)  Anyway, I’m off topic, as usual, and listening to Chiodos isn’t helping me at the moment….

The Happiness That Comes In Between

If you haven’t gathered it yet, I would do anything to make my friends happy, short of committing a crime.  Their happiness is a number one priority for me, over anything else.  But what if their happiness starts to interfere with my own happiness?  I ran into this one time, but I can’t recall the exact details, but it was about a guy, and I was on the better end of the situation, if you know what I mean.  I ruined my friend’s happiness for my own, and that’s why my friends are so important to me now.  I’ve learned from my mistakes, and now I’m trying to become a better person.  But, it seems, that, more often than not these days, guys are coming between a lot of friends.  I try to ignore guys when I’m with my friends, because I don’t want this to happen to me again.  But, at some point, I have a feeling that it might happen.

I have had this sense of foreboding for the past few days.  Things have been unusually tense when I am around people, and honestly, I know that it’s me.  I think I am too afraid fo hurting my friends to chase after what I want, hence my trouble with the Governor’s School decision.  There is a guy, whom I am actually still friends with today, that came between me and my friend.  She completely disregarded my happiness for her own, and she didn’t even care.  I mean, it doesn’t really matter, because less than two weeks later, she had overdosed and was in a rehabilitation center in Georgia.

But, I am wondering if guys in high school are a good idea.  I was talking to a friend of mine, a senior that we will call Heroine, and she told me that she had never dated a guy in high school for this reason: “Not one of them didn’t have that side of them that found throwing things at each other funny.”  Now, Heroine is amazingly mature, so she doesn’t find that amusing.  I have no problem if guys have a side like that, unless they are straight up acting like my younger brother, and then I will have a problem with that.  And then you have that side of the guy that wants the trophy girlfriend.  They don’t even have to like her, but hey, she’s gorgeous, might as well date her.  I have seen so much of that; it makes me sick.

I just want to let my friends know that I won’t let a guy come between us.  I don’t want one to, so I won’t let it happen.  Ever.