Post-Break Up Depression

10 10 2007

Have you ever had that feeling where your heart and stomach are like dancing in your torso?  Or your stomach is eating itself  not in hunger but in happiness?  I really hate that feeling sometimes, but today, it like possessed me after a really shitty day. 

I am the happiest person in the world….with the exception of Aviator’s emotional dump that I had to endure at lunch. 

I really do care about Aviator, in my own sick twisted way, but at the same time, I wonder what my life would be like if I had never ever dated Aviator.  Maybe I would have dated someone else and we would still be dating and I would break up with him and I wouldn’t be contending with a healing heart.  I don’t know why it hurt so much, but it did.

It literally snapped my heart in half.  I went mad, like the lady in The Others and I have no idea why.  I was crying so hard that my chest hurt, and I had make-up smeared all over my face.  I looked really really messed up, like I’m not even kidding. I felt so ashamed when Aviator’s fourth period teacher came out and was looking at me like I was an alien from Mars or something.  What was even more shameful was telling my old fourth period teacher Coach P. what caused my mental breakdown.  (I had three fourth period teachers last year.  The first was a pregnant woman, the second was someone we’ll call Coach P.  and then I had Amazon woman.)  And then, I had to walk into my fourth period class with makeup smeared on my face, and sniffling and my eyes all red and puffy and my hair looking a hot mess.

It was, to be short, the worst day of my life.

But, now, it is in the past, and I’m doing my best to get over it, but that’s amazingly hard when he is still treating me like we’re going out, and it hurts, because I don’t know why he would break up with me just to act like we’re still going out afterwards.  But, I think, what gets me the most about our break-up, was that everyone was concerned with our relationship.  All of the junior males ask me almost every other day (and some juniors that my brother knows ask him to ask me because they’re too wimpy to do it themselves) “Are you going out with Aviator?”  (They don’t call him Aviator, just for the record.)  And I almost blew my top today when this kid I never talk to in third period asked me.  It must be the way we act…It has to be.




One response

2 12 2007

Hello, nice site 🙂

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