17 10 2007

Okay…Well, as I said a few months ago, I might apply to the governor’s school, and then I decided that I wouldn’t.  I am applying again.  I truly am this time, and I am really nervous and I don’t know if I want to get in.   I think part of me hopes that I won’t get in so I have an excuse not to go, but then another part of me wants to succeed, and I don’t know.

I would be leaving my family for two years, barring any sort of break, because that would be weekends, and four-day weekends, and normal breaks.  I would not come home after school to talk to my mother about why I hate school (just seventh period and the getting up early part) and why I want to be a writer.  I would be improving my writing while at the governor’s school, but at the same time…is it really worth it?  I want to cry right now.  People are all like, “Yeah!  You should go, it would be a great opportunity for your writing!”  I am a person, people!  I am not just good for my writing!  I seem to think that this world is sickeningly materialistic in the way we stock everything in how much money you make and how you do it.

I don’t know if I want my kids to grow up in this kind of world where school will break your mind, and people will break your back.  It wasn’t like this awhile ago.  Why does it have to be like this?  It’s sad that for my generation, we are the fall of the United States, and I can’t really do anything about it, because there are very few of us who aren’t getting high and smashed every weekend.  Even people I thought I knew do drugs sometimes and they drink like Lindsay Lohan.  It makes me sick.




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