The Happiness That Comes In Between

27 10 2007

If you haven’t gathered it yet, I would do anything to make my friends happy, short of committing a crime.  Their happiness is a number one priority for me, over anything else.  But what if their happiness starts to interfere with my own happiness?  I ran into this one time, but I can’t recall the exact details, but it was about a guy, and I was on the better end of the situation, if you know what I mean.  I ruined my friend’s happiness for my own, and that’s why my friends are so important to me now.  I’ve learned from my mistakes, and now I’m trying to become a better person.  But, it seems, that, more often than not these days, guys are coming between a lot of friends.  I try to ignore guys when I’m with my friends, because I don’t want this to happen to me again.  But, at some point, I have a feeling that it might happen.

I have had this sense of foreboding for the past few days.  Things have been unusually tense when I am around people, and honestly, I know that it’s me.  I think I am too afraid fo hurting my friends to chase after what I want, hence my trouble with the Governor’s School decision.  There is a guy, whom I am actually still friends with today, that came between me and my friend.  She completely disregarded my happiness for her own, and she didn’t even care.  I mean, it doesn’t really matter, because less than two weeks later, she had overdosed and was in a rehabilitation center in Georgia.

But, I am wondering if guys in high school are a good idea.  I was talking to a friend of mine, a senior that we will call Heroine, and she told me that she had never dated a guy in high school for this reason: “Not one of them didn’t have that side of them that found throwing things at each other funny.”  Now, Heroine is amazingly mature, so she doesn’t find that amusing.  I have no problem if guys have a side like that, unless they are straight up acting like my younger brother, and then I will have a problem with that.  And then you have that side of the guy that wants the trophy girlfriend.  They don’t even have to like her, but hey, she’s gorgeous, might as well date her.  I have seen so much of that; it makes me sick.

I just want to let my friends know that I won’t let a guy come between us.  I don’t want one to, so I won’t let it happen.  Ever.

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