I looked in the mirror during fourth period today, and do you know what my first thought was?
What is wrong with you?
That’s what I asked my reflection and I felt horrible afterwards because I started looking at all the things about myself that I don’t like, and then the rest of my day that was already on its way downhill finally hit the cement at the bottom of the hill.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, to be honest. I was reading this book–I think it was a Vicki Petersson book–and she would take pictures of herself and then study them. I want to do that, because I want to see what people see, because I don’t think that we see the same thing.
I see a girl who puts her hope and time into things that I know won’t matter twenty years from now, because… I don’t know why. I think that the sentimental value is what matters to me the most. I don’t even care about college, because it seems so far away and I don’t want to leave my life.
Hm. Leaving your life. It makes it sound like you’re dying. I think that that is kind of what I equate it to. You leave your family, your friends, your bedroom, your bathroom(I actually like my bathroom…long story) and your pets. It’s like you die for 4 years, or 10 years, however you end up staying college, I don’t know. I don’t fear dying, but I do fear losing 4 years with my family for schooling. This world’s society seems to demean what it means to have a family.
I love my family. Sometimes they annoy the hell out of me, but other times, I think that if you don’t dislike them sometimes, then you won’t love them as much. Your family, I think is the best thing that happens to you. Ramxpage is my family, too, just extended, because all of these rules apply to her. Your family does not care what you look like when you wake up. Your family does not care if you like watching Disney movies at the age of 22. Your family misses you when you spend the night at a friend’s house. Your family loves you even if you go to prison for grand larsony. And your family takes care of you and doesn’t pester you with questions until two days after you have your heart broken.
I imagine that my family has dealt with a lot of heartache. Mainly from me. Actually, all from me considering none of my siblings really care about moving away from friends and none of them are dating (hell, two of them aren’t even in school). I don’t know if I would apologize to them. I think that they like knowing that I’m not just some mean girl who snarls at anyone who wakes her up before 1:00 pm.
So, I next time I look in the mirror, I will try to appreciate my reflection.