Have you ever stopped to think about the rest of your life? I rarely do because I am usually really withdrawn when I do. I mean, what do people see, it’s like I can’t even see my future.
People have said that it isn’t up to us to see our futures. That usually comes from the religious sect of our world. Others think that only we can affect our futures. The one thing that bothers me about the future is the posibility of predestination. It bothers me that I may be helpless that all of my choices have been made by Someone Else and I have yet to make them. So, did that Someone Else know that my best friend would overdose on drugs and leave me alone my freshman year?
That is really frustrating to think about it like that. Someone knew, but you didn’t. It irks me. Right now looking at the rest of my life, I only see shadows and a few things that are for certain: more school, and more running the hamster wheel. I want to break from the system, because I hate it. I despise what they have caused. Like, I adore learning. I do it whenever possible. If a non fiction book catches my eye, I pick it up and then I’ve learned something new by the time I do. I hate sitting at school listening to teachers who are teaching kids who honestly could careless.
You should hear some of the conversations that are carried on during my classes. Drugs are the norm, and while I act like it doesn’t bother me, it does. I hate it. I hate the fact that people I know are killing themselves for the stupidest reason. I don’t see the allure of doing drugs, and I am hoping that I am no tthe only one who is bothered.
I wish I could see my life folding out in front of me, but that just isn’t going to happen. It’s like trying to open a box that’s taped, glued, and welded shut. By the time you get it open, you’re at the end of your rope and then getting that box open doesn’t mean anything. Will I get married? Will I have kids? Will I finish the book? Will I go to college?
Thinking about the rest of your life isn’t very much fun.