4 02 2008

There comes that point in your life when you realize that you know absolutely nothing.  You question all of your beliefs, second guess your most trusted confidants.  It’s like ice sliding down your spine, raising goosebumps all over your body, because you know that your life is going to change.

I just had my reality run over by a good friend of mine, whom none of you know, not even ramxpage.  Her life seems to be falling apart before her eyes, and I can only sit there and do nothing.  She seems to be going through the motions, suicidal thoughts, tears at the slightest mention of things that once brought a grin to her face and warmth to her heart.  I don’t like watching her hurt, because it is all so pointless.

I don’t approve of suicide.  It’s selfish, and a one way ticket to hell.  I do believe, and while everyone around me that isn’t a Christian is telling me that God doesn’t exist, I’m going to believe whatever I want because I can.  I believe that there is heaven, hell, God, and Lucifer.  I believe in it all, because without religion, mankind as a whole would fall apart.

My fingers are cold just sitting here talking about it.  It’s not right, to have to sit and watch your friends suffer.  You should be able to do something about it.  My friends watch me suffer.  I let them know when things are going badly, because I know that no matter what they will help me, even if I don’t ask for it.  I’ve been through a lot.  Not as much as most people.  I moved around a lot, recently became really good friends with so many beautifully made people, and I looked at my life today and went, “Damn.  I am an unappreciative bitch.”

I let things blur my eyesight, and my heart.  I am scared to lose my best friend.  Everyone around me can see it when we talk to each other, because we argue.  I don’t want to say the wrong thing, because what if that’s it?  What if, after one whole year of absolute bliss, she takes my words wrong and leaves me in the dust, for another girl that I know perfectly well to be her backup plan of sorts?

I have watched people around me kill themselves slowly with pills and drugs of all sorts.  I have seen the scars that knives leave on their bodies, and I have see the heartache that one attempted suicide causes everyone else. I  have also seen that attempted suicide taken so lightly that someone laughed at it.  It made me think about how common it actually was for a 17 year old boy to overdose on pills.

My friend keeps telling me that everyone has a right to complain.  I use that right quite a bit, because sometimes it just makes me feel better.  Some people, however, just bottle it all up inside and then when they let it loose, people get hurt, and I sometimes pick up the pieces of the now broken mirror once called friendship and try to piece it back together.

I don’t like thinking about my life on a deep basis, because it makes me sad.  Makes me sad to know that I am just one star in the middle of a vast galaxy.




3 responses

5 02 2008

You’ll have many more moments when you realize how little you know, I’m afraid. But that only means you know more than you did. The more you learn, the more you realize you’ll never know it all.

Your friend needs help. You are not being a bad friend or a snitch if you take steps to get help for your friend. Even if you are, so what? Isn’t it worth it?

You are so much more than one star in a vast galaxy. You said you believe in God. Ask him. He’ll tell you about how much you’re worth.

I like your intro and title, by the way!

5 02 2008

I know. I was actually thinking about knowing everything yesterday, but how sucky would that be? I would be absolutely miserable. It means you would know what went on in the minds of everyone around you. I’ll leave all of that to God. I’m having problems being human. I haven’t talked to God in a while. I should. Thanks for the compliment.
Kaelie curbxstomp

8 02 2008

Yeah, I wouldn’t want to know everything, but realizing how small you are is very humbling, I think many people on this planet need to do that sometime.

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