Hope We Both Learned Our Lesson

19 02 2008

That’s from Bayside’s “We’ll Be OK”, which is a wonderful song because of content.  I don’t really like the music, but the words are amazing.  It may not seem like it totally relates to this post, but I can’t give out all the information to what happened, because I don’t know if the other person implicated in this would care.  I don’t think he would, but I don’t want to take a chance. 

I was in a good mood before I went to lunch.  For reasons I will not divulge, I could not take the smile off of my face.  After lunch, however, this big rock of irritation and anger seemed to be crushing my ribs, breaking them into a thousand tiny pieces.  Those pieces were piercing my lungs and my hearts. 

Rachel was bitching about everything, and I love her, but I realize all we do is complain.  “I’m tired” “I have a headache”  “I hate people”  “I’m failing my class”.  We are a pair of whiny bitches.  I will tell you that. 

So, I’m already angry, because she’s been really snappy with me, and I think that she’s better friends with another girl, but I can’t tell.  I don’t even think I care anymore.  Then, I get into fourth, and I’m going to do something.  I have to go get a quote for yearbook.  There was this whole fiasco, which I don’t want to describe here, and I felt horrible. 

The yearbook advisor has officially estranged me from coming back for another year of yearbook.  I am so pissed off right now, that I want to scream my lungs out at everyone who has pissed me off today.  EVERYONE.  I want to scream until I can’t talk anymore. 

People keep telling me that our school sucks.  I used to say, “Oh, it’s not that bad.”  Now, I truly think it does suck.  I don’t care about all the stupid rules about PDA, and all that crap.  I’m a good student.  Sharing a seat with a guy friend does not mean I’m going to fail.  The yearbook advisor said today that she was the boss for the next week.  She said that she didn’t always agree with her boss, but that she bit her tongue and did it anyway.

I am tired of biting my tongue and following the rules.  I think that there is a line between breaking the rules wrongly, and breaking them for your own good.  I’m not sure where that line is, but I might just find out.  I’m not going to turn into a freaking delinquent, but I am going to evaluate my status as a goody two shoes, which I am sometimes.  I don’t care about much, but I almost never, ever get into trouble with the school. 

I’m probably going to get scolded for this post, but at the moment I don’t care.  This blog is not attached to the school, I have the right to freedom of speech and I am sure as hell going to express it.

I think I’m hyperventilating.

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5 responses

20 02 2008
rachelxrampage

“So, I’m already angry, because she’s been really snappy with me, and I think that she’s better friends with another girl, but I can’t tell. ”

So i have been snappy at you?! how my dear! who am i better friends with.? Kristen..umm no. If that is who then i see why you might thing that, well all you really talk about is dainel, yearbook, other people(you know what i mean by that and if not ill explain to you), and blogging. I dont relate to any of those things. I really don’t. I don’t have any relationship like you and daniel. I personally dont want one, and i really get sick and tired hearing about him. yearbook, i can’t relate to that, because i dont have that class, and i don’t even know what you are talking about when you complain about yearbook, the other people, yeah they hate me. I know you say they don’t but i know secretly they do. people lie even them, no matter how good they may be and i can tell by the way they look at me that they dislike me, and blogging, i dont do it as often and I am so glad that you found something you are interested in and you enjoy doing but when you talking about it i get so lost cause i have no idea what you are talkking about. I’m sorry If I am making you mad, about telling you this. I dont think i could be better friends with anyone then I am with you. Cause you are my best friend, and I have so much in comment with you like movie, music, they way we dress, and are smartness. I love you to death and i dont want you to think that i am snapping at you. And you know what i think you are closer friends with other people then you are with and that you are purposely pushing me away, well thats what i thought…i dont think that anymore, cause i realize that we still are as good as friend as we were at the begining off the year even though it may not seem like it. I love when you share with me and tell me you problems so i can try to help but when you tell me the same thing over and over and over again it just kinda hit my nerves. And i try to help in any way i can but its just hard cause i cant relate to the subject. I am probably making you really mad about putting this on here but yeah, if I am you can come to me and tell me what made you so mad and i can tell you more and try to make you not mad. If that made any sense at all. Well i need to go!

<33rachel

oh and im sorry i BITCH all the time.

20 02 2008
curbxstomp

Sorry.

21 02 2008
rachelxrampage

I am truly sorry are friend ship is hitting the rock. I really hope we can just get through this. As I recall from your note you said its like a competition with us. I don’t want it to be a competition anymore. That is hurting are friendship. I was thinking and i realize I like hearing your problems and i like trying to help you. It is what makes are relationship strong…you know…that we can help each other out. If i am talking to you, and you admit your wrong even when your right DONT DO THAT! please if i am wrong and you are right just flat out tell me. I will stop arguing with you i really will…and if i start doing it and i dont catch myself then just slap me in the face. Cause i deserve it. Also in you note you said when typed I am sorry i BITCH all the time. that wasnt sarcasm. that was a real apology. the only reason bitch is capitalized is because i hit caps lock and i was to lazy to erase it. that is the honest to god truth. I really wish you will become the happy giffel that i have became friends with cause this gloomy you just makes me sad. I don’t like when you are upset cause it makes me upset. I just want you to be happy and all that. I really really really am sorry if i have made you mad today. If i start to aggravate you then tell me, dont wait till a bunch of things i have done aggravate then let it all out at once. When i was reading your note in 4th i really almost started crying. Cause i couldn’t believe that my best friend was seeing me as this horrid person. It made me sad that you think I am being a complete jerk. Kaelie Giffel i want are friendship. I want what we had before all of this. I want to have what we had when we use to laugh all the time about my bladder, or even when kept beating the crap out of each other at Boston Pizzeria. Remember them days? I do, and i miss them so. Cause i really do love you and i really do care about you, because you are my BEST FRIEND and you always will be. If we make it through this then i know that will can make it through anything. BFF FOREVER AND ALWAYS! Looking back on last Saturday when we were laughing and goofing off, that what the greatest. I dont want to lose those moments i have had with you. I dont want us to stop being friend and them moments become lost in the back of my mind forever.. I TRULY DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN! I will do my best to stop doing what i am doing and help the things go back to the way they were! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I should be going you may call me later if you like

<3rachelxrampage!

p.s yes i know a lot of words may be misspelled and a lot of it might no make any sense at all.

22 02 2008
curbxstomp

That’s why I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship. I have had to go a few days without you and I am absolutely miserable without you. I’m not lying. You left early one time, and Daniel was afraid that I was going to start crying. So, I forgive you.

22 02 2008
Rachel

YAY! i got your IMS WOOT! hahah ME LOVE YOU!..

IM A HIPPO IM A FLAMINGO! 😀

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