Fix You

15 04 2008

So my personal posts have been on the minimum lately, because…well, because there’s really been so much bothering me that to post about all of it would take years–and it’s only happened in a matter of days.  Time feels as if it is passing by sluggishly–like Father Time decided to take a couple Loritabs like the rest of American society to dull the pain of a dull life.  It’s so tiring that when I get home, I just lay down and close my eyes and hope everything goes away.  I thought I would be happier now that I’m working on a relationship.  Now, I think the relationship is making me more miserable.

There is this one guy.  I’m not dating him, I don’t even know if he calls me his friend, but he is utterfly amazing.  He is the opposite of everything I have ever been drawn to in my whole life.  I am usually drawn to the bad boys, and while he has a certain air of “bad boy” he’s not a druggie, nor does he feel the need to break the law.  He’s actually an athlete, a swimmer to be precise and he is…He’s really nice to me, he talks to me, and sometimes he’ll call me out when I say something that makes me seem blond, but he never, ever makes me feel stupid, which is something even my best friends make me feel.  I think he is perfect.  I think that, if we dated, I would be happier than I ever was.  He’s sort of blond…I don’t think he can technically be called blond–it’s more of a honey brown.  He listens to a lot of the same music, which starts a lot of conversations.  He also reads!  Yeah!  I know!  Me, like someone who’s actually literate?  Amazing.  He’s read The Stand of all things, which even I can’t get through.

He sits in front of me in my English class, and when I talk to him, I think time should just stop for us.  He probably doesn’t even think of me in passing during the day, but, you know what, I’m okay with that.  He’s just so…ah!  I can’t even describe it.  It’s one of those you-have-no-words-for-it-it’s-so-amazing.  It’s unspeakable.  It’s like someone lit a fire in my stomach and poured gasoline on it.  I don’t hate him, like I hate most the people I’m attracted.  I just think it’s a safe admiration from a safe distance…although, it’s like less than two feet away.  Who knows if he does maybe care just a tiny bit?  I dated his friend for a few months, so he’s known about me for a really, really long time.

He just seems like the one who might be able to fix me, put me back together.  My friend told me he was horrible in relationships, but that doesn’t matter.  My friend isn’t trying to put himself back together.

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

~ Coldplay “Fix You”

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There’s Your Sign, Pt. 1

15 04 2008

I’m taking a leaf out of Jeff Foxworthy’s metaphorical book and providing some comic relief.

You know you’ve encountered the Lost Generation when…

  •  
    • You hear police sirens and the kid in front of you jumps and says “Shit! I hope they  haven’t found my stash!”
    • Your high school has more expelled students than graduating students.
    • You hear “That’s what she said” ten times in just as many minutes.
    • The kid walking by you is tired because he’s coming off a hangover and a bedtime of an hour before.
    • You see two guys shake hands in the hallway at school.  (That is not a handshake kids.)
    • The only thing people want to know about you is “Do you have a cigarette?”
    • Getting kicked out of the house at 17 for drug use is the norm.
    • A pregnant girl responds to the question of her age like the following: “I’m 17, not that it’s any of your business; and yes, I know who the father is–do you think I’m a ho?
    • Someone thinks attending church will save them from hell.
    • A student skips class for their ninth Fall Out Boy concert, comes back and says, “Well, isn’t it excused?”
    • The person walking in front of you stops to talk and won’t “move out the way.”
    • You are called “Shawty” and “Sweet Thang.”
    • You see blown up condoms in the auditorium.
    • Someone asks what kind of government the United States operates under.  (It is debatable.)

I have definitely encountered all of these, so that’s why they put it there. 

And there’s your sign.