Fix You

15 04 2008

So my personal posts have been on the minimum lately, because…well, because there’s really been so much bothering me that to post about all of it would take years–and it’s only happened in a matter of days.  Time feels as if it is passing by sluggishly–like Father Time decided to take a couple Loritabs like the rest of American society to dull the pain of a dull life.  It’s so tiring that when I get home, I just lay down and close my eyes and hope everything goes away.  I thought I would be happier now that I’m working on a relationship.  Now, I think the relationship is making me more miserable.

There is this one guy.  I’m not dating him, I don’t even know if he calls me his friend, but he is utterfly amazing.  He is the opposite of everything I have ever been drawn to in my whole life.  I am usually drawn to the bad boys, and while he has a certain air of “bad boy” he’s not a druggie, nor does he feel the need to break the law.  He’s actually an athlete, a swimmer to be precise and he is…He’s really nice to me, he talks to me, and sometimes he’ll call me out when I say something that makes me seem blond, but he never, ever makes me feel stupid, which is something even my best friends make me feel.  I think he is perfect.  I think that, if we dated, I would be happier than I ever was.  He’s sort of blond…I don’t think he can technically be called blond–it’s more of a honey brown.  He listens to a lot of the same music, which starts a lot of conversations.  He also reads!  Yeah!  I know!  Me, like someone who’s actually literate?  Amazing.  He’s read The Stand of all things, which even I can’t get through.

He sits in front of me in my English class, and when I talk to him, I think time should just stop for us.  He probably doesn’t even think of me in passing during the day, but, you know what, I’m okay with that.  He’s just so…ah!  I can’t even describe it.  It’s one of those you-have-no-words-for-it-it’s-so-amazing.  It’s unspeakable.  It’s like someone lit a fire in my stomach and poured gasoline on it.  I don’t hate him, like I hate most the people I’m attracted.  I just think it’s a safe admiration from a safe distance…although, it’s like less than two feet away.  Who knows if he does maybe care just a tiny bit?  I dated his friend for a few months, so he’s known about me for a really, really long time.

He just seems like the one who might be able to fix me, put me back together.  My friend told me he was horrible in relationships, but that doesn’t matter.  My friend isn’t trying to put himself back together.

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

~ Coldplay “Fix You”


An Unexcused Absence

17 03 2008

I’ve been gone awhile.  On account of having a pretty sucky one half of the month.  I’ve been so miserable that I just don’t get on to blog because I thought I might kill the computer.  Right now, I’m trying to keep myself calm so I don’t start crying.

I have had a pretty hard time.  All that goes on in my house nowadays is yelling, screaming, or crying.  All that goes on at school is uncomfortable silences and dirty glances.  All that happens in my classes is a secluded loneliness in the back of glass, my nose shoved into a paper or a book, trying to drown myself in school work so I don’t think about what my problems are.

I do have to say that my writing has become exceedingly better.  My characters have depth, my story has substance, and it’s completely satisfactory, if I do say so myself.  I tried to use my characters to keep my mind occupied and away from everything.  I got almost 20 pages in two days.  It’s been pretty amazing to be able to write again, like a weight has been lifted.  

You know how bad it gets when I start reading only Meg  Cabot books.  Yep, I have resigned myself to teen novels written by Meg Cabot.  She has to be the most amazing writer in the history in forever.  She surpasses all the other writers I read, because it feels like Meg Cabot has been there forever…

I just wanted to use this last paragraph to wish the troops luck, and to let them know I’m praying for them. 

Have a good night, y’all. 

Mixed Tape

1 03 2008

I am currently working on Daniel’s mix, trying to decide which order I should put everything in.  The first song is “Mixed Tape” by Jack’s Mannequin, and I hope he likes it, because if he doesn’t I’ll feel bad.  *grins* I doubt he’ll hate it thought–or at least he won’t tell me.

I literally ripped apart my library today trying to find good stuff for his mix.  I’m really indecisive about it, because some of the stuff I want to put on there probably isn’t something he’s going to like.  I know some of the music that he listens to and it’s a little bit different from his.  He hate’s a lot of the stuff I listen to, but what one of my guy friends doesn’t?  I put “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers on there for him, and that’s only one that I know for sure he’ll actually like–we had a long discussion about it.

I need to be writing my novel right now, but at the moment, I’m content to be writing about the little things that make my life mine.  Making mixes for example.  I love making mixes.  The only part I don’t like is ripping the song to the computer and burning it to a cd.  Takes FOREVER.  But, when all is said and done, I have fun doing so, because if there’s one thing I love more than reading and writing, it’s introducing people to the music I listen to.  It’s just a good feeling.  Music makes everything better. 

Speaking of making everything better, I need to take Excederin, because my head’s killing me.  I need to start wearing my glasses, because I read for several hours straight on the weekends.  Par example, I spent two hours reading Neil Gaimain’s The Sand Man: Volume 4, The Seasons of Mist.  Although, the headache may be from the paint fumes that I was around while painting shutters today.  I’ll get over it.

Character development coming along for the modern rewrite of Tarot Cards right now.  Ramxpage and I are collaborating on cover ideas.  It’s not going to be very easy.  Once we have sketches and the final designs, I will of course post them.  My friend suggested self publishing, so maybe that way I can choose what the cover looks like.  My character has taken on aspects of my behavior of late, and she’s become really annoying.  To William at least.  I love it.  I’m going to go edit and rewrite now.  Bye! 

Nobody Ever Pulls a Scene ‘Round Here

19 11 2007

Listening to The Killers still, so that’s why the title.  Again.  😀  They are so getting a thank you if I ever get a book published.  Anyway.  That quote is kind of relevant to school, because you would really be surprised about how little violence goes on at our school, and it isn’t like I’m not informed.  I keep a tab on everything that goes on at school.  A couple of months ago, there was something to do with gangs and a lynching, but that was like an ugly duckling amongst a flock of swans.  How often does that happen?  Once, because someone wrote a book about it.  Haha. 

My book is still coming along.  Trying to pick a title, because lately that’s like trying to get a beached whale into the ocean with just one person.  Near impossible.  Because that analogy allows for the person to use technology, so it isn’t completely impossible.  Rambling, sorry.  I am still reading A Lick of Frost and I can’t wait to start Angela’s Ashes. Rampage’s mother is letting me borrow it.  I remember reading a clip from it in ninth grade last year for class and I really liked it and Rae  Rae’s mother was like, “It’s an amazing book, I’ll let you borrow it when you have time to do it.”  And we’re coming up on Thanksgiving break, and I will have ALoF done by then, and then For a Few Demons More doesn’t come out in paperback until the 27th.  (That will be the best moment in my life, holding that paperback in my hands.)  Relatives!  I’m so excited, because we never see our relatives. 😦 But now we will see them, so it makes my frowny face a smiley face :D.

“Girl With Lips Like Morphine” is playing right now, and it is a very obscure, very amazing sound, so that means I am no longer listening to The Killers.  I should probably go study for AP World History so I can make it through school tomorrow.  Apparently–according to my sister–I was talking in my sleep last night.  Counting or something.  I definitely don’t even remember falling asleep, much less than having a life like dream.

Well, I am going to wish you all a nice sleep, because I need to study and prepare for the last day of school for 5 days!  It’s very exciting.  Oh, and I hope NaNoWriMo is coming along well, struggling writer!

He Doesn’t Look A Thing Like Jesus

19 11 2007

Okay, currently, my favorite song is “When You Were Young” by The Killers.  That’s why the title is such.

“You sit in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways.  Now it doesn’t matter, oh, here he comes.  He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman like you imagined when you were young.”

I love that quote just because it pretty much sums up my life.  😀 But, I still don’t know the name of my beautiful boy, even though I see him every day at lunch. 😀 So many smiley faces today. I am just having a good day.  Currently reading A Lick of Frost by Laurell K. Hamilton, the Merry Gentry series.  It’s okay.  I don’t really like that series compared to the Anita Blake books because…who doesn’t love Anita Blake?  Wierd people.  LOL!

Anyway.  My writing is coming along excellently actually.  I have discovered the source of my writer’s block.  It is the fact that I am hesitant about writing what pops into my head first, and I’ve started doing that, and I can consecutively write a story now.  I am trying to stop the little excerpts, unless it is just so amazing I can’t resist.  The only thing that would make me write excerpts would be length.  You are supposed to finish a notebook a month, but the woman who wrote that must be insane. I don’t have the time…I barely have time to read nowadays.  So I make time by not paying attention in class…like right now, but who cares?  Probably O-Dawg.

Anybody else love the song “Lovestoned/I Think She Knows” by Justin Timberlake?  It’s really out of the ordinary for me to listen to something like that, but I absolutely adore all of the songs that have come off of his new album.  My mom does too.  I love that he music tastes are so similar to mine.  😀

Ah, Thanksgiving is approaching.  My aunt commented on here, which makes me happy.  I think I would like it if people in my family looked at my blog, because since they all leave 800 miles away, we never really talk.  There is, however, one thing I hate about entertaining relatives and I will tell you what it is: my mother going anal on us.  We clean everything, and then we clean everything again with a toothbrush with soap.

Okay, so I may be exaggerating, but at the same time, my mother goes crazy with the cleaning.  She does this when we have friends over, too.  I see the solution to this: never have guests.  Actually, maybe we should just keep the house clean all the time…Nah.  That’s actually really difficult with a 7 member family.  Five kids, two adults, not to mention to two retarded cats…  In short, that gives you a messy house.

Well, the bell is going to ring at any moment, and I need to be on time to class…for once. 

Life At Its Best

11 11 2007

So, this weekend me and my friend have been collaborating on a novel by email over 800 miles (she lives in Michigan, where I am originally from) and we are doing so much better than the other friend that I was working with on a daily basis through phone and person.  We reached the 10,000 word mark in one day, so we’re going pretty good.  I kind of forgot that it was NaNoWriMo, so my project is way behind schedule.  Oh, well. I actually should be working on chapter 4 at this very moment…

But, did you see my song quote?  It is definitely the new stance I am taking on life, for those of you who know me really, really well.  *cough*fluffy, hams, ramxpage*cough*  😀  I was going to make that stance official by going over to Ramxpage’s but my dad was being retarded and didn’t let me leave the house for the most RETARDED REASON EVER!

I hope you guys enjoy what little we have left of our weekend…I forgot to turn my alarm clock off all weekend so I got up at 6:10 anyway, woken up by “White Houses”, one of Vanessa Carlton’s best.  Hm.  I seem to be listening to her alot.  I wonder why… 

I’ll see you guys on Monday.


kaelie curbxstomp


7 11 2007

Also a song by My Chemical Romance, but not talking about this at the moment.  Anyway.  Well, sleep, what to say about sleep.  I love to sleep!  It is my favorite past time besides reading and writing.  Oh, and Myles?  I have the cure to a broken heart:
I kid you not.  I slept for an entire weekend after a complete letdown, and I won’t lie to you: I felt so much better, and eventually sleep erased it from my mind.  😀

I think that sleep is really one of the few times that we actually have to ourselves: back to the shower post I had up when I first created my wordpress blog.  No one can tell you how to sleep.  They can tell you when to go to sleep, but not how.  And maybe that’s why I like it so much…that or the fact that you just feel so damn good after sleeping for thirteen hours.  (I honestly don’t know how people make it with only 7-8 hours of sleep…I sure as heck don’t.) (This is for you people who suffer my wrath when I got absolutely no sleep the night before)

So, Myles, when you have free time…sleep, man, sleep.