White Wall

10 04 2008

I don’t understand the concept of clearing your mind.  I just don’t; I can’t even explain it.  To me, it’s like trying to understand what eternity is like.  I cannot conjure that “white wall” of nothingness that symbolizes a blank mind.  It is almost impossible for me.

I have been trying to conjure that perfectly white wall all freaking day.  Because I dwell on lots of stuff, but right now I can only think about one thing, one person and it’s…killing me.  I get this soaring sensation in my stomach; so I’m trying to sit in class and concentrate, but my mind is definitely somewhere else.  Makes it hard to take a test when I’m smiling about something he said or trying not to count down the minutes until I get out of class.  Reintroduce the soaring sensations in my stomach.  Ugh.

Especially since I have a temper, that damned white wall would be useful if it would a-freaking-ppear.  In Taste of Night, Tekla has the troop trying to make and destroy walls with their minds.  I cannot do either of them.  (Of course, I’m talking figuratively, because no one can do that.)  In the same book (through the whole series), I find myself confused by the Tulpa, unable to understand.  How do you get your mind around a being solidified by thought, not science?  By birth from a mother?  Confusing, that is. 😛 I guess we can’t understand everything.

I’m still having soaring sensations.  Catch you guys later.

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