Music and Moods

I usually only listen to a certain type of music depending on what kind of mood I am in.  However, when I get a new cd, I listen to it until I memorize it and then after that I don’t really listen to it unless my mood dictates it.  If you ask me what I am listening to, you can usually tell what kind of mood I am in.  I will give you a few examples.

If I am listening to Underoath or Norma Jean(for those of you who do not know, they are screamo bands) I am on the edge.  I am nervous, anxious, frustrated and confused by my peers, or my surroundings.

If I am listening to the Jonas Brothers (like right now. :D) I am perfectly content, but somewhat anxious because school causes my bad complexion.

Now, if I am listening to The Spill Canvas, FOREVERINMOTION, or The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, I’m straight up ticked.

See, I listen to slow music when I am upset, hoping it will reverse my mood, like if I listen to “Your Guardian Angel” (TRJA) I am trying to get over something in the back of my mind.  But, the Jonas Brothers and stuff you wouldn’t expect me to listen to is what I listen to when I am content with life.  I find it odd that my moods dictate a lot of the subtle things in life.  Like what I wear, what I listen to, or even what I watch.  If I feel like crap, or I seriously need to unwind, I usually watch Blood and Chocolate just because that story makes me happy.  Well, I should depart, peeps.

See ya!

dragonfly

Autumn Falls

I don’t know what it is about the fall season, but something about it like trips a switch in me.  Since October has begun, I have been trippy and excited about nothing.  I love the changing of the leaves, though we don’t have much of that right now in my corner of the world, and I also love the crisp, clean breeze that makes you think of happiness and the comfortable warmth of the cool outside your warm house.  I can’t wait until Thanksgiving is here.  Last year, we had so much fun.  Lots of cooking, lots of warmth…Because, before last Thanksgiving, we had always gone to my grandmother’s house, even when we moved from Michigan, because then we would make the five hundred mile trip just to go to Thanksgiving.  Nope, not last year.  And I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I love spending time with my family, no matter what…unless it’s my brother, because he irritates me 99.999% of the time, and I’m not kidding.  But, anyway.  I also love sitting out at ten o’clock in the morning in a hoodie, and reading my favorite book with the wind whistling around me at a cool, slow pace.  It makes me happy.  I mean, even if my personal life sucks, the weather is enough to bring a smile to my face and a content warmth to my belly.  I feel like I am repeating myself! And then after Autumn comes the Christmas music time.

I love nothing more than Christmas music, and as soon as December first hits the world, I am changing my theme to the Christmas theme.  But, seriously, I look forward to Christmas every year because of the music.  I particularly love “The Christmas Cannon”.  I adore that song.  There is just something comfortable when you listen to Christmas music curled up on the couch reading in a dim glow.  Also, I love it when we all pile in the car and turn on the Christmas music and go see the lights on the mountain and all of us are singing along.  This will by my baby sister’s first real Christmas, because last Christmas she was only two months old.  When we decorate the tree, we have all five of us kids decorating (well, it’s always been the four, because baby couldn’t do it last year, of course) and then we have Christmas music in the background. 

*sigh*  I wish it were Autumn and Winter all the time.

Downtown

In my little corner of the world, we have the most amazing downtown ever.  I can never remember being so smitten with any downtown, even when we lived in N.C., because they had a sucky downtown, too.  But here, in my corner, they have the greatest downtown.  It has those little shops and then the bridge and forest next to a residential school…It is just so beautiful.  Me and my friends (for my friend’s birthday) went downtown to celebrate in the middle of January at around four in the afternoon, and then by the time we left the restaurant, it was like nine o’clock.  It was so frigid outside, that we had red noses and everything and it just felt…right.  I have never loved any place more than where I am now, and I think it is a sign, because everywhere else I have lived, I have had this restless feeling that made my stomach turn.  I was never really sad about moving away from anyplace, even N.C. where people loved me.  I realized that the people were the only part of N.C. that I liked.  My parents argued, we lived in a crappy townhouse and I really didn’t like anyone besides my friends.  I actually hated living here for the end of my seventh grade year, but strangely, I didn’t miss N.C.  I just…felt lonely.  And I had a cold, so that didn’t help either.  Eighth grade was the most amazing time of my life, along with ninth grade, and now tenth!  I love it!  I have never been in a happier, more beautiful place and I want to live here forever.  I have often spoke of wanting to leave just to get away from this place, but in reality, I don’t want to.  I want to go to college here, and if I have kids, I want them to grow to love this place like I do. 

The First Amendment Constitutional Rights

My film crit teacher sparked an epidemic.  It’s not a bad epidemic, but it’s hilarious how many of our First Amendment Constitutional Rights are being violated.  They are blocking purely harmless sites, filtering everything that we do.  They’ve blocked everything.  My teacher can’t take us to blog anymore because no one can get into the internet.  No one.  You can’t even go to CNN.com.  How stupid is that?  A senior in my film crit class wants to collaborate with me so we can write an angry letter of protest.  I think it’s a brilliant idea…until someone comes after us.  One of my teachers was telling me how the school districts have it out for the teachers if they try to protest something.  If the teacher does something like voice an opinion about how the school is run, then they will get picked on and harried for voicing their opinion.  Obviously, none of the school district people have ever taken U.S. history.  Ever heard of Freedom of Speech? 

What really ticks me off about this?  The fact that the way the school’s are run it is almost totalitarian.  Some of the restrictions I can understand, but others are pretty outlandish.  Such as hair color.  You can’t have non-human hair color.  However, you can have a mohawk over three feet tall.  Isn’t that just as distracting?  Same with tattoos.  You can’t have piercings on your face, but you can have tattoos?  How are those any less distracting than facial jewelery?  Maybe my logic is that of a twisted Martian from Saturn, but sometimes it amazes me how stupid people are.

The Others

As I am sure that you all have seen the movie, I am going to totally spoil the ending of this movie, so don’t read on if you haven’t seen it!  Anyway.  So, the movie is completely amazing and I love it, because Nicole Kidman is just straight up amazing.  But, what really bothered me was the dead photographs.  That reminded me of the pictures of the people in Dead Silence after Mary Shaw ripped their tongues out.  *shudders*  I just find that really, really creepy.  Anyway, I also liked The Others because it is a unique story, and a different approach.  However, it was really different that the ghosts can’t see us.  We can’t see them in most stories but they can see us, but they can’t make contact, or whatever.  I just loved the story up until the little seance.  I friggin’ flipped out.  I was like, oh, shit!  They’re dead!  That woman and her children, and the servants were dead!  Can you believe that?  Of course, you can, because you have seen the movie.  If you are reading this and are upset that I ruined the ending, that was your fault.  I warned you.

The ending was quite satisfactory, just because it was unique.  It just really made me sad that her mind had snapped and she killed her kids.  Then she killed herself.  When she’s sitting with her kids and crying because she remembers everything.  It made me want to cry because it was so depressing, and I was just like in shock because it wasn’t really what I was expecting.  I am probably going to watch every movie we have watched in Film Crit again, so far, except for Ace Ventura: Pet Detective because it was really, really stupid.  I just don’t appreciate that kind of humor.  I appreciate subtle jokes and actions…but not like the actions in that movie.

Film Criticism is collectively my favorite class because of this: I love watching movies.  But, now when I’m at home, I will seriously apply all of my knowledge.  I’ll be like,”OOH!  That’s an establishing shot!”  Sometimes, I can identify the lighting, but I get everything mixed up.  But, I remember the gist.  Which is still pretty good.

Post-Break Up Depression

Have you ever had that feeling where your heart and stomach are like dancing in your torso?  Or your stomach is eating itself  not in hunger but in happiness?  I really hate that feeling sometimes, but today, it like possessed me after a really shitty day. 

I am the happiest person in the world….with the exception of Aviator’s emotional dump that I had to endure at lunch. 

I really do care about Aviator, in my own sick twisted way, but at the same time, I wonder what my life would be like if I had never ever dated Aviator.  Maybe I would have dated someone else and we would still be dating and I would break up with him and I wouldn’t be contending with a healing heart.  I don’t know why it hurt so much, but it did.

It literally snapped my heart in half.  I went mad, like the lady in The Others and I have no idea why.  I was crying so hard that my chest hurt, and I had make-up smeared all over my face.  I looked really really messed up, like I’m not even kidding. I felt so ashamed when Aviator’s fourth period teacher came out and was looking at me like I was an alien from Mars or something.  What was even more shameful was telling my old fourth period teacher Coach P. what caused my mental breakdown.  (I had three fourth period teachers last year.  The first was a pregnant woman, the second was someone we’ll call Coach P.  and then I had Amazon woman.)  And then, I had to walk into my fourth period class with makeup smeared on my face, and sniffling and my eyes all red and puffy and my hair looking a hot mess.

It was, to be short, the worst day of my life.

But, now, it is in the past, and I’m doing my best to get over it, but that’s amazingly hard when he is still treating me like we’re going out, and it hurts, because I don’t know why he would break up with me just to act like we’re still going out afterwards.  But, I think, what gets me the most about our break-up, was that everyone was concerned with our relationship.  All of the junior males ask me almost every other day (and some juniors that my brother knows ask him to ask me because they’re too wimpy to do it themselves) “Are you going out with Aviator?”  (They don’t call him Aviator, just for the record.)  And I almost blew my top today when this kid I never talk to in third period asked me.  It must be the way we act…It has to be.